Article: On the Biblical TV Show You Shouldn’t Have Missed September 25, 2009
Posted by qvashty in Uncategorized.add a comment
Read this, and whether or not it convinced you, you really should watch Kings. Alas, it’s been canceled because people did not take notice. It’s based on the story of King Saul, David, Jonathan, etc…
OTD Sexuality: Part I (or: When Showing Some Knee Makes You a Dirty Slut) September 24, 2009
Posted by qvashty in feminism/gender, religion.3 comments
A comment on this blog asks: “I understand not being religious but does that completely devalue sex for you?” The answer would be very complex due to the wording “devalue” but I would like to address one aspect of ex-fundie sexuality.
I think that many people off the derech, like myself, did not join another religion after leaving Orthodox Judaism. Many of us become not more moderate, but atheist or agnostic. This means that upon our entrance into mainstream American society, we are not adopting its Protestant values. Instead, we try to figure out two things at once: 1) what our own values are, and 2) social norms, expectations and cues outside of the OJ world (these two may not jive, but we still need to at least know what they are). I found #2 especially confusing.
The little mistakes that we make along the way can be inconsequential, but many are serious.
After being told to cover up my whole life, I emerged with no concept of what Americans consider to be decent attire. It took years to figure out any of it, and in the meantime I am remembered by some as being “the girl who always wore a low-cut top” and such. Television and stores were full of such clothes; how could I know that they have their place (and no other)? When a “mini-skirt” has always been defined as something which shows a little knee, then lots of American women are walking around in mini-skirts. It’s all a jumble. I blush at some of the crazy things I’ve worn. I was even unsuccessfully attacked in one of my crazy outfits, but that’s not a story for this blog (and although it’s an interesting coincidence, I’m not big on blaming clothing choices for assault). The point is that it is hard to figure out.
All the more so: social interactions with the opposite sex. After yichud, the negiah ban and all the rest, there are two problems. First, all interactions with people of the opposite sex have been assigned a significance and a charge which makes one nervous and uncomfortable at times. Second, going off the derech means having the great opportunity to become friends with people of the opposite sex, or to take lovers of either, but these opportunities may be courted unsuccessfully due to a total lack of playbook. How can you tell if someone wants to be your friend? How can you tell if someone is sweet-talking you with sinister motives? How can you tell when physical contact is friendly and appropriate? Under what circumstances is it okay to be alone with someone? You can make terrible mistakes and get into real trouble with people.
But I only know about the problems after the fact. I broke free in order to be free to do as I pleased, hoping that a sense of right and wrong would be enough discernment to get by. I imagined free love, hippy-style or something. But you can’t really land in some sort of bohemian superparadise of kind, nonjudgmental people who share the exact branch of feminism that you espouse. Instead, here we are in a sex-soaked yet Puritanical, free yet religious, confusing country. The flames of sexual rebellion are fanned, not doused, by entrance into this society. Many years out of fundie OJ, you find yourself in fundie something else and don’t quite achieve what you started out to do.
Okay, you know you’ve strayed from your main point when you start to use generic you.
Video- on Creationist “Origin into Schools” Program September 24, 2009
Posted by qvashty in biology, religion.add a comment
This is a response to Kirk Cameron’s promotion of a campaign to distribute Darwin’s book on college campuses- with a 50-page fundie creationist introduction.
What are your memories of aseres yemei teshuvah? September 22, 2009
Posted by qvashty in Yuntif, religion.5 comments
When I was about eight, my teacher at Bais Yaakov explained why Hashem let mankind invent such awful devices as the tape recorder, video camera, and the corresponding playback devices, like the television and VCR. These inventions, which we were not really supposed to be using, were here to teach us a lesson. At every moment of our lives we are being recorded. After our deaths, our lives will be played back to Hashem, ourselves, and to everyone else, so we had better not do aveires or make a chillul hashem, because it is all on camera and everyone will see it eventually.
I don’t think I was the only girl in my class who attempted, alone in her room, to change clothes in bed under the sheets after that. The camera must be recording somewhere in the bedroom, but not under the sheets. Hopefully it doesn’t go into the bathroom. It’s hard to shower without being naked.
Kal vachomer, around Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, people were careful. Mean girls would vaguely and abruptly ask for forgiveness (“in case I did anything”) and it was too scary to say no them. Everyone wished to get a glimpse of Hashem’s book and see what would happen in the next year. There were lots of tricks you could do- like kapores- to influence the outcome.
Off the derech, Yom Kippur symbolized all of the fear, guilt and superstition of OJ childhood. I knew of an OTD cheeseburger party going on, which I skipped, but always tried to get some sex and avoid skipping meals. Now that I’ve been OTD for a long time, I barely notice when Yom Kippur is going to be. Plus, most of the people in my new world who celebrate it were never OJ, will probably fast, maybe go to non-OJ shul, definitely by car, and they don’t quite understand why I don’t keep these things at all.
I’d love it if you could comment with your own Yom Kippur vignettes, from before or after your loss of faith (I say “loss of faith” to include closet OTDers).
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Classic OTD Story for the Holiday Season September 20, 2009
Posted by qvashty in OTD classics, Yuntif.6 comments
I got a request for suggestions of old OTD classics. In this modernist European story, widower R’ Noach and his educated, newly vegetarian daughter Gitel cannot share the fleishig Erev Yom Kippur meal. (It’s in Hebrew, but an OJ education should get you through most stories from this time period.)
http://benyehuda.org/gnessin/seuda.html
It’s so great to know that there was a strong generation of OTDers before us. We are a less organized and probably much smaller group of people than they were, but we can benefit from what they left behind.
Naughty Jewish Girls September 19, 2009
Posted by qvashty in body, feminism/gender, pop culture.add a comment
It’s no surprise that the British TV show “Secret Diary of a Call Girl” made one particular change to the title character. On the show, she’s blond, hiding everything from her family, and shows up late to a family christening. In the autobiographical book and blog, Belle de Jour identifies herself as Jewish, with the corresponding troublesome hair.
I get the sense that on our side of the pond (here in the USA), it’s long been common practice to caricature Jewish women as homely, homey, emasculating, or otherwise unsexy most of the time. The main stereotypes seem to be the Jewish mother and the JAP with corresponding jokes. Hence the longing for shikses in Portnoy’s Complaint.
This is a divergence from the way Jewish women were perceived in Europe. Jessica, in “The Merchant of Venice,” is the beautiful love interest of the otherwise judeophobic play. Captivating Jewish women are also to be found in Daniel Deronda and in Turgenev’s The Jew. Jewish women work as prostitutes in Chekhov and even in Sholem Aleichem (it might surprise you that this was historically accurate; many European and Latin American brothels were staffed by Jewish sex workers).
So why the shift in stereotype from exotic sexy women to the well-known Jewish mother and JAP here in America? Why was it understood back in OJ high school that the blondest, most straight-haired and straight-nosed girls were the prettiest? I’m afraid that the answer is that in America, Jewish men (perhaps battling their mothers in the OTD struggle) have been writing the script. After many years OTD, I have learned that most non-Jews like our hair and eyes and noses. It’s hard to get over the assumption that people automatically associate those things with classic unattractiveness. I don’t know if I’ll ever quite get there.
UPDATE
I don’t intend to equate sex work with physical attractiveness. They are two examples/aspects of sexuality that I see removed from Jewish women as they are generally depicted in America. Would love feedback on how to express and understand this better.
Comments September 18, 2009
Posted by qvashty in Uncategorized.3 comments
Just deleted a hateful comment. I screen comments before they can be published, and I will delete hateful or batshit crazy comments for now. Maybe I will stop later when I get the hang of the blogging thing.
WBC Advises Teshuvah September 18, 2009
Posted by qvashty in Yuntif, religion, religious curiosities.add a comment
What better way to celebrate the New Year than to see what the Westboro Baptist Church is up to? Indeed, they have an open letter on their website for “Elect Jews.”
For the sake of context, this homophobic religious sect hated Bush and Cheney, and published caricatures of Cheney taking Bush from behind. They noted that the war in Iraq was under false pretenses, and argued that the government’s deception was yet another reason to join their church (a bit more complicated than that, but I’m keeping this short).
Now that Obama is in power, they call him the “Antichrist Bloody Beast.” WBC thus expects the eschaton to take place very soon. So, in keeping with Revelations 7 and 14,
From twelve tribes, 144,000 children of Israel will be sealed; then shortly thereafter they will be standing in heaven, having been redeemed from the earth, being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb, singing a new song that no man can learn but them! At Westboro Baptist Church we watch for the sealing of our Jewish brethren, who will be called, authenticated and delivered in a most amazing way. When that day comes we will rejoice! SO COME OUT FROM AMONG HER ELECT JEWS, and join the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ! We are your friends and brethren, we are eager to meet you; to oppose the Wicked with you; and to join Christ in the air with you, when he comes in power and glory to claim his own and punish the disobedient!
Hmm, I’m not really tempted by this offer. I’m also not posting a link because the WBC website can be very disturbing and I don’t want to be quite that closely associated with it. But I like to keep an eye on them. However, if you are one of those 144,000 Jews who would like to avoid being swallowed by a fiery pit to burn for all eternity, you’d probably like to know that only this Kansas church can save you. According to Fred Phelps, every single other church is wrong and all Catholics, Orthodox, Lutherans, Methodists, etc. will be going to hell. You don’t even want to know what he writes about the non-elect millions of Jews out there today.
I like to keep an eye on the WBC out of curiousity, and to see how they find their prooftexts and midrashim, as well as how they manipulate real-life problems in our country in order to bolster their flimsy case. But recently I found out that my parents’ shul is organizing volunteers for shul “security.” And WBC came up, despite the fact that they were not planning to picket this shul and they would not enter or be violent if they did show up with their repulsive signs. Anyway, I kind of agree with Dawkins that there is much less difference between moderates and extremists, and I would say also between “religions” and “cults,” than people think. I don’t think so-called “cults” are anything but young religions, which are then subject to evolution and possible extinction.
The shul is not in a region of the country where you would expect bombings, not that, as far as I can tell, there is actually a danger zone anywhere. Nor does the shul foster acceptance of sexual minorities or provide reproductive health services to women. Yet somehow its members still see themselves as the first target in a time of economic horror. They can’t get over the idea that the world is kind of out to get them, even though the world has new targets.
Oh, right! Thanks, you too. September 18, 2009
Posted by qvashty in Yuntif.7 comments
I’ve been getting phone calls from family- especially non-frum family- wishing me a sweet or happy new year. Thing is, besides the fact that Rosh Hashanah doesn’t mean anything to me anymore, I have long passed the stage wherein I got a kick out of breaking all the rules of Pesach and Yom Kippur, and now I just don’t notice the calendar. I got an email recently telling me that something would take place on Erev Rosh Hashanah. This meant I had to Google “Rosh Hashanah 2009″ and find out if that was today or next week or when. I guess that’s when you know you’re free?
Physical Reeducation September 17, 2009
Posted by qvashty in body.16 comments
Of the many school subjects that you miss out on while being indoctrinated in an Orthodox school is physical education. I remember that we had the required class, but it was for less than an hour per week, we girls weren’t really dressed for it, and I learned to fear dodgeball and acknowledge that there was some kind of fairness in my being picked last. I was a clumsy runt. I hated gym class. And for most of my life I have hated sports, scoffed at gym membership, and been thoroughly ignorant about how to take care of my body.
It’s natural, with enough time in the secular world, to learn about nutrition and maybe develop a vegetable-rich, balanced diet. At some point I got and stayed thin without really exercising. But in the meantime, my flat feet, bookish lifestyle and poor posture snuck up on me and assaulted me with various pains and minor deformities.
Now, years after having missed out on a real PE program, and having never quite shaken off the tzniyes hunching posture, I have to learn it all from scratch. How to stand, how to sit, how to walk, how to swim (of course, I always did these things, just wrong), how to get regular exercise, which muscles need to be very strong in order to fight the pains. And that’s not really all, because all of these things have their accoutrements: orthotics, shoes, goggles, swimsuits, exercise clothes, etc. I’m on my third pair of goggles that leak, hoping someone in the know will help me get them right. (Meantime, after all these years actively off the derech, I still feel weird if I accidentally touch someone in my crowded swim class.)
Now that I have to show up at the gym, I see that there are people here as young as eighteen for whom fitness is an ingrained part of life. They come in full gym regalia, can do the splits, and have mastered so many things that make me squirm and struggle. I’d probably have always been a klutz and all, but I wish people had told me to sit up straight, forced me to exercise every day rather than get knocked out in the first five minutes of dodgeball, and generally taught me how to take care of this myopic, flatfooted little body instead of focusing on a neshamah that would have done better without their help.
I know, it’s not all the fault of childhood upbringing, but I’m trying to make this an OTD blog now and I needed a post.
The New Blog September 16, 2009
Posted by qvashty in Uncategorized.2 comments
I can’t apologize enough for the dissonance between blog title and “tagline.” But I like them both enough, and am so bad at titling things, that they’re here for now.
The point of taking up with this now is that I’ve rather enjoyed many of my readings in the ex-frum blogosphere and I am a wannabe member of that community (emphasis on “wannabe”). It feels kind of strange to get too passionate about frumness past, now that I’m successfully assimilated to the post-Enlightenment world in many respects, but then again, the specter of that past appears with every defense of traditional marriage, alternate theory of human origins, culturally sensitive limitation on free speech…
Rather than other ways of knowing, I think that there may be other kinds of knowing, but I’m still waiting for the Enlightenment to go far enough.
